Me and a friend decided to go out for dinner tonight since we were feeling too lazy to cook. After finding that the local pub wasn't serving food till 8, we made our way to this little Chinese restaurant in Jesmond.
The food was nice, the service good, blah blah blah, but I really wanted to tell you all about this crazy lady. I was kind of facing the wall, and my friend pointed out to me that there was a woman acting kind of strange at the table behind me. She was sat alone, at a table for six. I'm not sure if she was already there when we got there, but all we saw her order was several glasses of water (and no food). She seemed pretty agitated, holding her head in her hands, holding the menu weirdly against her head/face and generally fidgiting. She went to the bathroom a couple of times and at some point gained a potted plant. A potted plant. Yep, she had some kind of little cactus thing sitting on the table with her (which got a conversation about Leon going between me and my friend). At one point she balanced it on top of the water jug. Eventually, she disappered for quite a while leaving at least £60 in cash on the table, a set of keys and a pile of about 6 menus. The manager of the restaurant walked past a couple of times, and clearly saw the cash, but didn't pick it up. By this time we were theorizing about escape from a mental institution, bank robbery and the mafia.
We thought she'd gone but a while later I went to the bathroom, and found her in there. She was crying and washing her whole face and head with water. While in the stall, I weighed up the pros and cons of speaking to her. Pros being that I'd feel better having asked if she was okay plus i'm really nosy and wanted to know what was going on, cons being I wasn't sure if she would flip out and clock me one and then start screaming scriptures.
Well the bathroom was pretty small so I figured I couldn't really get away with pretending I didn't notice her, so I said, "uhm, are you okay?" to which she replied, in a completely normal voice, showing no signs of being drunk or high, that she was fine and thanks for asking. I asked if she wanted me to get her anything like a glass of water, and she said "no, i've had some water, thanks". I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I left. She just seemed mildly upset, grateful that someone had asked, but ultimately like she didn't want to talk to me.
A few minutes later she came back into the restaurant and started walking around it. As in, between the tables and in the main empty part of the floor. Then she sat down and we noticed she had *heaps* of cash, a whole wad in her hand, plus the stuff she'd left on the table before. Then, ruling out all theories that she was feeling ill from over eating chinese, she ordered food.
That was the last of it really, as we had to leave. Thing is, you could say that she was just upset about something, but then why stay and eat? And what was with the plant? And all the cash? And the set of keys she left on the table? And why would she leave that much cash on the table while going to the bathroom?
Bizarre. All theories gratefully received.
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3 comments:
Clearly, she'd just robbed a bank and had headbutted an oriental clerk to death. She will never feel clean again. Like Lady MacBeth and the spot of blood on her hand, she is condemned to wash her head over and over in chinese restaurants forever. With loads of cash in her pockets that she will never be able to bear to spend.
But what about the plant? I think the plant has to be a key aspect here.
It was the monthly dinner meeting of the Jesmond cactus club. You arrived after the other 5 club members left and stuck her with the check.
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