Art galleries are inspiring for all the wrong reasons

Namely, because they make me think "if these twats are making money off this crap, there is hope for us all"

Today at the Baltic (large art gallery in Newcastle upon Tyne, UK) I saw an exhibition by Kendell Geers. The Baltic's website claims, "His work pushes for the limits of accepted moral codes and principles in order to collapse them and start again."

Maybe creating repeating patterns out of the word FUCK and printing them onto mirrors and skulls would have pushed some limits in the 1800's but I think those limits have now all been effectively pushed, demolished and collapsed already.

Neither the crucifix wrapped in warning tape, or the star made out of police emergency lights were much more stimulating.

Seriously, I'm inspired. If this is the level we're operating at, I've got some ideas.

Last night

Things my flatmate brought home last night:

1. Himself (at 4am, after long phone calls to try and determine where he was in which he mostly talked about cyclelanes and bricks)
2. A brick
3. A fire extinguisher
4. A note saying "Please take for free" (attached to brick)

Unusual

I bought an awesome new notebook. It says "It is sunny outside. Look! I found a rare and beautiful butterfly" and there is a picture of a teddy bear holding a four leaf clover.

I am using it to note down my daily mileage to claim expenses.

Poetry?

I went through my old blog entries and picked out a bunch of interesting sentences, then put them together to make a sort of poem type thing. I changed only a couple of words here and there, mostly to help things flow.




I did some laundry and some washing up,
That was as productive as today got.
I dried my hair with the parting all wrong
And got hit on in a kebab shop

A face smushed up against the steering wheel
It's only the cold but it's enough to make me feel
I have kind of a strange request
Now on Metro our topic is shaving rash

Today was cloudy with occasional rain
I miss the 90s but I like driving these days
It wasn't my fault, it was the light
"Because, like, I think you're gorgeous, right"

This restaurant operates a one sauce per meal policy
I shouldn't bother 'cause I'll hate my job anyway
The world is lacking carrots deepfried in batter
Ninety six regular crayons and a huge roll of paper


I should do the same thing with chat logs

Security?

I've just been on the phone with the Inland Revenue which is no mean feat, I assure you. As much as we all complain about being held in queues, I'd rather that than hearing a voice say "All our advisers are currently busy, please try again later" and then the dial tone.

(The thing I wanted to talk to them about is somewhat irrelevant to this post; I had some savings that were gaining interest and I was paying tax on that interest so I'm trying to claim it back because I wasn't earning enough to pay that tax at the time. I sent off the correct form in December last year and was informed it had been forwarded from the Rugby office to the Newcastle one but then never heard anything else. Multiple phone calls have resulted in being told "wait longer". I've now been waiting over six months and it's getting a little silly. We're talking about around £400 of overpaid tax here.)

Anyway, I phoned up today to discuss it again and a 20-something call center operator asked me the following:
My full name and NI number,
and then, as a security check:
My address,
My date of birth,
My most recent employer.

I dutifully answered the questions and then was told "sorry, you've failed the security check".

"That's strange" I said, "What did I get wrong?"

Apparently he couldn't tell me, and said it would be more than his "jobsworth" to give away what secret piece of information didn't match with what I'd said. I guessed that perhaps it was my address, and proffered several other addresses that I've lived at in the last few years, to no avail. I got the feeling I was breaking the rules by even trying to correct possible invalid information.

I asked to speak to a manager and was put on hold again.

A woman came on the line and said she understood the situation but unfortunately she couldn't help me because I'd failed the security check. I asked her what she suggested I do and she said I should put my query in writing and they'd be able to help me then. Hold on a second, back up there, it's secure if I write to you and give you no particular information at all, but not if I speak to you on the phone? "That's just procedure." She said. I asked why someone would want to pretend to be me to try and get overpaid tax refunded directly into my account and she wasn't sure. I asked how writing a letter is inherently more secure than speaking on the phone and she wasn't sure about that either. I asked if I could write a letter notifying them of a change of address to the Outer Hebrides and then phone up and tell them that address to pass the security check and she told me that it was JUST PROCEDURE, OKAY? I like to imagine that she then stuck her fingers in her ears and yelled LA LA LA for several minutes.

The part that really pisses me off is that it's not like any of the information they asked me for is classified stuff. Any number of people could phone up and offer all that information about you or me. I realise they need to check they are talking to the right person, but asking your date of birth certainly doesn't achieve that. It's a false security.

I am tempted to call them up and fraudulently pass a few security checks using friends' names and then yell "PSYCHE!" and hang up, just to show how easy it would be.

Meanwhile, I have no idea what to do about the outstanding £400.

Punishment?

You've got to wonder what the kid did to deserve this...